Has motherhood changed me?

I love my single friends.  We went to school together, traveled together, and went to bars together.  When I remember my experiences as a young adult, they were always there.  So after everything that we've been through, why is it that now that I have a child, I feel like we're drifting apart?

I see it when we're trying to set up a time to meet and they suggest 9:30pm, a time that used to seem reasonable, but now feels like the middle of the night (when you consider Eric's strict 5:30am wake up time)  I see it when their eyes glaze over as I provide them with a detailed description of how Eric performs the Itsy Bitsy Spider.  And I see it when my friend is telling me about her new boyfriend who often forgets to call her, and I lecture her on the importance of finding a partner that you can count on when the baby won't stop crying in the middle of the night. 

Why is it so difficult to relate?  Has having a child changed me so much that I've forgotten who I was before?  I'm hoping that this is just a phase.  Maybe I'm so consumed with my son because I'm a relatively new mom.  Perhaps when I'm totally comfortable in this role, I'll be back to sipping martinis and talking politics (I may be slightly exaggerating my level of sophistication here).  But part of me fears that the friendships will never be the same again.  I'm afraid that we'll just politely listen to the details of each others' lives, as they become increasingly different.

Is there a way to hold on to the friendships?  And I'm not talking about meeting up for a coffee to catch up and re-live our glory days.  I mean, is it possible to get back to the place where we talked every day and told each other everything?  Or is this a single girl's friendship that needs to be replaced with the intimacy between myself and my husband?  I know that I'll figure this all out, as I have with the other challenges that I've faced as a new mother, but I would be able to solve the problem a lot quicker if I could chat it out with my girlfriends.

This post is written by Karen Bivand, a momstown Milton member who has a 22 month old son, Eric.
(Photo from: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Why Do We Feel So Guilty?

I can't speak for everyone else, but I feel more guilty now as a mother than I ever have before.  Just off the top of my head, I bet that I can come up with at least ten things that I feel guilty about:

1.  I feel guilty that my house is a mess.

2.  I feel guilty that Eric cries when we drop him off at daycare.

3.  I feel guilty that I don't cook fancy meals.

4.  I feel guilty that I've lost touch with a lot of my friends.

5.  I feel guilty that I give Eric a bottle in his crib.

6.  I feel guilty that I don't remember that last time I took an    exercise class.

7.  I feel guilty that I didn't breastfeed.

8.  I feel guilty that I don't spend enough quality time with my husband.

9.  I feel guilty that I don't read to Eric more.

10. I feel guilty that I let Eric watch television when I need a breather.

I suspect that I'm not alone.  Even Johnson & Johnson's has a marketing campaign (you're doing okay, Mom.) based around new mothers' feelings that we aren't doing enough for our babies.

But why do we feel so guilty?  Is it all the unsolicited advice that we receive?  Is it some ideal that we see in the media?  Or are we doing this to ourselves?  What can we do to overcome it and truly know that we are doing our best for our family?  We are so forgiving of everyone else, how can we be a little more gentle with ourselves?

This blog was written by Karen Bivand, a first time mother of 20 month old, Eric.  Karen's goal for motherhood is to survive it! 

(Photo From:  Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Caged Babies: Saving our Sanity

My oh my how things have changed. Its a shame they don't sell these anymore. It is multifunctional too! Comes with curtains for a breezy sleep nook! Remove the padding and no need for diapers or bibs! Oh how well people had it back then! I'm kidding... I think I am anyways. If it's not a window cage its something else. A playpen, a gated room, a locked closet (wait what?). These are all techniques us moms introduce to maintain our sanity. Some nights (last night for me) we get very little sleep. Our babies have their own schedule and for the first little while we follow it whether we like it or not. Even if it means party time at 4am. So to get that extra dose of morning caffeine, or even a little shut eye, we have to find little tricks to save our sanity.

But I also need my sleep. I need to shower. I need to do laundry. I need to eat. I struggle to find time for myself.




I've been creative with media to help with tummy time. My baby hates tummy time. He has hated Tummy Time since day 1. I used to prop him up a little with a rolled up towel but he is now long past that. Since he has figured out how to roll from tummy to his back Tummy Time has been an even bigger challenge. He lasts about 10 second on his front until he decides to roll over. This shouldn't be a big deal for most moms but it is for me. He has some issues on one side of his neck and shoulders causing him to always turn to that side (another breastfeeding challenge). This was likely caused by high forcep delivery when he was yanked from me in the most aggressive way possible. His pediatrician said that more tummy time can help balance this out. So how do I get him to stay on his tummy? Baby Einstein of course! I've tried throwing toys and books on the floor infront of him but he's just not interested yet.




It is very important to have these methods or you end up doing stupid things. Take the picture below for example:



This is our Diaper Genie. Full of dirty diapers and last nights explosion perched on top. The blue bag hangs down with that oh so important knot tied at the bottom. Well guess what I forgot to do last time I changed the Diaper Genie. Tie a freaking knot. So this mess is what I blindly stuck my hand into this morning when I went to change the bag. Delightful. I was in such denial I called my husband and asked if he changed the bag last. I was thinking I could not have done such a thing! I did. He hasn't ever changed it and doesn't even know how it opens. I had to accept the facts: I'm an idiot. Apparently I need to cage my baby more often. A sane mom is a happy mom, and a happy mom has a happy baby!

This blog was written by member Sarah Smith. She's a first time mom weeding through the ins and outs of mommy hood.